


Waiting

by Crepuscolaria



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Background Relationships, Background Roy/Ed, F/M, No Angst, POV Riza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25401661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crepuscolaria/pseuds/Crepuscolaria
Summary: Riza likes to think of herself as patient.She is used to waiting. For an opening to shoot her enemy. For a threat to strike her loved ones.
Relationships: Jean Havoc/Riza Hawkeye
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Waiting

If somebody were to ask around, she is sure many would describe her as cold blooded.  
They would probably go as far as to call her heartless.  
She doesn’t mind. Nobody knows the truth anyway.

She is not heartless and she surely is not cold blooded.  
Riza likes to think of herself as patient.  
She is used to waiting. For an opening to shoot her enemy. For a threat to strike her loved ones.

So she waits, a gun at the ready, eyes open and sharp.  
That’s why she is the first to notice it.

And she hurts.  
Because she is just a woman underneath her uniform and it feels like it was inevitable to fall for her commanding officer.  
She burns with shame anytime jealousy rears its ugly head. She shouldn't be jealous of a teenage boy.  
But Roy loves him and she can tell the difference between that love and the one he feels for her.

So she waits for the painful feelings to numb.  
It's easier with all the work that needs to be done to save the country.  
She stays beside her Colonel because she has an important mission.  
Riza can’t let this man, the one she herself armed, lose himself. And she knows, as she knows her own soul, that he will if left alone.

So she clenches her teeth and she waits.  
She isn’t even sure she ever loved him as a man in the end.  
It’s hard to admit it even to herself, but she was so scared she made a huge mistake that she ended up idealizing him.  
Because, if Roy is the prophet of a new era, and he is just and loyal, than she was right in trusting him and she can stop feeling like a stupid naive girl for revealing her father’s secrets.  
She comes to the conclusion that she does love him still, but that feeling was actually never a romantic one.

So she waits for something more.  
After they all manage to survive the Promised Day, she looks at the mixture of love and longing on Roy’s face anytime Ed announces he is going on another trip.  
And she wonders if she will ever have something like that for herself.  
If somebody will look at her as if she had the sun in the palm of her hand.  
In the darkest days she looks at her reflection in the mirror, wondering if maybe she is heartless afterall, if the problem is actually her.  
In the morning she feels silly. She knows love doesn’t work this way. You can’t just will it to sparkle.

So she stops waiting for it.  
And she goes on with her usual life, grateful that the team is back together and that everyone is healthy.  
There’s still so much work to do. It is overwhelming sometimes.

When she gets to the office now there’s always a coffee mug waiting on the desk for her.  
The smell mixes with a faint cologne and the aroma of tobacco.  
Havoc isn’t willing to lose anymore time, he says, so he gets to work earlier than anyone.  
He says “waiting was making me crazy” and Riza snorts. He looks surprised, but then he just smiles around a cigarette.

The first hour or so, they are alone and they wait in companionable silence for the others to arrive.  
The only sound in the room is the rustling of paper.  
Sometimes Havoc starts humming songs out of the blue. His voice is always a little rough with smoke, but it isn’t unpleasant.  
It starts to be a game. He hums, she tries to guess the song.  
When she gets one right, Havoc smirks.  
Riza starts to wait for those moments.

It’s only natural they end up chatting.  
Havoc tells her ridiculous stories of his time at his parents store, or from his military training.  
He asks about her. How she came to choose a military career, how she became a sharp-shooter.  
“I guess it is as they say...nomen omen, uh?” he jokes.  
“What does that say about you?” she answers.  
He just shrugs. “I am a wreck, can’t say it’s not true…”  
She looks at his self deprecating smile and she feels something shift inside her.

They all wait for friday nights.  
It is pub night and one of the few times they get to enjoy themselves without paperwork.  
The mood is light after a couple of rounds.  
Breda is telling something to rile Ed up while Roy looks at them with fond exasperation.  
She can’t help but smile at the scene. To think she was so bitter over their relationship...  
“I need a smoke.”  
Jean is out of his chair in a moment.  
Fuery is frowning. “He is nervous tonight…”  
She shouldn’t pay too much attention to the comment, but she can’t help thinking about it as she waits for the man to come back.  
He doesn’t.

Riza waits for monday to come around with a weight in the pit of her stomach.  
She doesn’t understand the feeling, until she enters the office to find it empty.  
It is worry. And a bit of confusion.  
She sees the cup of coffee on her desk, but everything else is missing.  
The smell of smoke. The cologne. Jean.  
But he must be around here somewhere.  
Maybe he just went to the bathroom.  
She could wait. Riza is starting to be tired of waiting.

She goes looking for the man and finally finds him on one of the terraces.  
He is leaning against the railing with a pensive expression on his face.  
“Got us worried on friday.” She announces herself.  
Jean startles and almost loses his cigarette.  
“Oh Hawkeye...i’m sorry...i had something to do…” His excuse is weak at best.  
And his smile is so fake Riza starts to feel a tiny twinge of irritation.  
But she hides it, focused on getting closer. She feels like an hunter with a skittish prey. She can see his fingers twitch around the cigarette.  
Until they are facing each other, then he goes utterly still.  
“Well...i guess i’ll just wait here until you feel like coming up with something better.” she challenges.  
He hides his eyes behind a hand, huffing a rueful laugh.  
“Don’t you ever get tired of waiting…?”  
It is just a whisper. But before she can answer he turns his back to her.  
“Let’s get to work, shall we?”  
And it is so strange to be on the receiving end of that suggestion when usually she is the one making it.

She waits for things to go back to what has become the normalcy.  
But it’s been a week and even though she finds a coffee on her desk every morning, gone are the tales and the songs.  
She steels herself against the hurt and the whys and the what ifs.  
Roy glances her way often, but says nothing because he knows her too well.  
It is a strange kind of loneliness, to be left alone because your friend knows you to prefer it, and not having someone that prods and insists because no matter what they want to be part of your world.  
Someone that looks at you with fresh eyes and doesn’t take for granted he knows all about your thoughts.

On friday night, she goes home.  
She takes Black Hayate for a walk and when she comes back, someone is waiting for her on the steps of the building.  
He gets up, coming to stand in front of her.  
“So...it has been brought to my attention that i might be...uh...a blind dumbass who can’t look further than his damn cigarette...i’m quoting…” he starts, bypassing the greetings.  
Riza is so startled she can’t help the laugh that escapes her.  
It all happens in a second.  
There’s a hand around her wrist and she finds herself pulled against a chest and encircled in a couple of arms, before she can react.  
Jean holds on tight, a hand splayed on her back an the other on the nape of her neck, buried in her hair.  
“Please, tell me you’re not still waiting for him...Please, Riza…”  
The murmur against her ear makes her shiver.  
“Not for him…”  
She hugs the man back, smiling against his neck and feeling the now familiar smell of leather, cologne and smoke.  
And a sense of hope.  
All that waiting was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother tongue, so please if you spot mistakes let me know :)
> 
> If you've come this far, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed <3


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